Yep, my kid makes me cry. Not in the "boo-hoo feel bad for me" kind of way (though sometimes that way too,) but more so in the "what in the WORLD am I going to do" way. But don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom in the Knoble household, my kid (you know the one) makes me cry in the "so hilarious I can barely breathe" way too!
Like when I haven't found the time to shave my legs and she obsesses over how "pokey" they are and tells everyone she meets about it. Or when she pretends to pack her bags at night before calling Jason "hotel" and requests that herself and her bags be carried upstairs to bed. Or when she calls a box of toothpaste her friend and insists on carrying it around everywhere for three days. Or when she farts and then hides so someone-ANYONE else gets the blame. Or when she's presented with fifty-thousand straws that LOOK THE SAME and proceeds to to pluck seven out with SUCH precision that you think you're the crazy one for not seeing the difference.
Luckily it's the funny moments that stick in my brain more often than not, because lately the rough moments are ROUGH. Let me let you in on a little secret- Avery's getting bigger, and that's not going to stop anytime soon. Besides the issues that come to anyone's mind when you have a kiddo with the intelligence level of about a four or five year old in the body of a seven year old, there's a whole NEW folder in my brain of issues that caught me off guard. Some issues make things exciting like just NEEDING super cool equipment in our home, or skipping lines at Disneyland- and some issues make me want to cry (which is SIGNIFICANTLY less exciting than skipping lines at Disneyland.)
One issue at the forefront of my mind these days? Avery is hitting and kicking- yes, we made it to the aggressive phase. Except for instead of being able to contain a small child throwing a tantrum, now I just have to make sure she's safe, everyone around her is safe, and just let her riiiiiide it out. Want to now what's not fun about letting her ride it out? One, not being at Disneyland, and two, the EYES. You know the ones. The Walmart Warriors, the Target Task Force, the Costco Cadets, the Park Patrol, the Out and About Onlookers, the Avery Advocates who don't even know Avery.
THE PEOPLE who instead of LOOKING AWAY while my kid kicks me and yells "I HATE THE MOM!" at the top of her lungs choose to ... who knows what they're doing, enjoy the show? They also make me cry- stop doing that.
And before you assume- yes, I'm bad with confrontation because disrespecting others just has never seemed appealing to me- but besides that, im a pretty tough cookie, and not huge on crying. Avery has made me that way.
But the EYES. The eyes that should be saying, "you go girl!" but instead say "yikes, what a kid, parent much?" If I have any meltdowns, I almost always end my venting with "and everyone was watching." Which sucks- and also, it wasn't even at Disneyland. So not only did I get beat up by a seven year old in public, but I also got beat up by a seven year old in public NOT at Disneyland.
I live in a big neighborhood where almost everyone has a Ring Doorbell. And we all LOVE our doorbell cameras- SO much that we use them as weapons on our neighborhood Facebook page- as all dedicated Ring Doorbell users do. For example: Creeps walking around in the middle of the night? Someone's doorbell caught it- post! That one annoying pest control guy (sorry pest control guy?) Someone caught him with a timestamp- post! Wandering dog who lost its home? - post!
Wanna know what hasn't been posted yet? Emphasis on the word yet. Avery's meltdown in our front yard at the same time everyday. Unless there's a separate Facebook group where everyone just talks about it that I'm blocked from. Which honestly, sounds mildly amusing.
At least three times a week during the school year, Avery has a REALLY hard time getting off the bus. Im talking hitting, kicking, head banging, SCREAMING, the works. And every time I think to myself, "Self, if I were not me, and I knew this was going to be happening at 3:35 PM everyday, I would set up shop at my window to watch the disaster unfold."
Which brings me back to Ring Doorbell cameras. My surrounding neighbors have to have some CRAZY footage of at least one of a few things: Im either 1. carrying Avery and her actual suitcase worth of things up our ninety-degree angle driveway while she's pulling my hair, 2. she is trying to run away from me to find a bright shiny new mom, or 3. I'm just standing there, letting her do her thing until she calms down enough for me to carry her up said ninety-degree angle driveway. This makes for what I would consider some pretty impressive content. Maybe even good enough for an award-winning compilation video!
So yeah, my kid makes me cry. More lately than ever, but I've got the worlds best support system and that solves most of my problems. I cry mainly because I don't think it's fair, which makes me sound like a child. Because again, we do on occasion get to skip lines at Disneyland.
I think I get sad the most when I realize that Avery's brother didn't ask for her level of madwoman, and he is often on the receiving end of her fallout. But it's going to be that support system that helps me in raising him to be incredibly patient and flexible, and to help reshape our definition of the word "fair."
And when Avery makes you laugh so hard you cry (because it probably will happen,) you'll understand why it's all worth it to be considered a part of her village. (Also being a part of her village gets you on the rides quicker at Disneyland. Just sayin..)
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